Wednesday, May 25, 2016

#122 - AN APOLOGY

The reason this blog is called Kiss My Big Hairy Spider is both arachnocultural and because I am often irreverent and I speak my mind. I am a "pull no punches" sort of guy and I tend to hit very hard. This is what makes my ironic friend Chad call me "unlikable". I say what I want with a "fuck them all with no fucking regrets"attitude, which I hope at least some of you will recognize as Metallica lyrics. One of my posts even stated that if I haven't offended you yet, eventually I will. You'd think with my attitude I would be completely unapologetic. Not so.

I am a "nice guy" and do care about hurting people's feelings. I also am always willing to admit when I'm wrong. This apology is directed to German tarantula dealer Michael Scheller. Not that I think he reads my blog, but I know something I wrote got back to him. In a recent blog I wrote something about him being a bit of a prick. That was out of line and unjust. The truth is I've only met him once and barely know him as a person. I had no right to be so callous. Word got back to me at the BTS Exhibition that he had been "hurt" by what I wrote. He didn't attend this year so I didn't have the opportunity to speak to him personally. Now this concept - being hurt by words - could be a topic for a whole politically-charged rant. I am sick and tired of "politically correct" and people being offended and hurt by words. I won't go there. I will instead simply say, "I'm sorry".

Es tut mir leid für das, was ich über Sie geschrieben


Two things led to my conflict with Michael, which then resulted in my off-hand and out of line remark. One was language. Michael's English is admittedly much better than my German, although I can somewhat read it. But the more important thing that caused our dispute that led to what I wrote is something that plagues the Internet. Actually, it's not just the Internet, but written word in general. Conversation is something for voices and faces to do, not typing fingers. Tone is lost. Intended meaning is clouded. Misinterpretation is commonplace. These facts are only exacerbated when one or more "communicating" are not using their native tongue.

When I was still actively dealing in tarantulas and importing from Lee Ardern at The Spider Shop in Wales I contacted Michael about the possibility of him exporting to me. His response was that he had an exclusive arrangement for the U.S. with Ken "the bug guy". The rest of our conversation is privileged. We promised each other we would keep our Facebook Messenger chat private. I will honor that promise to Michael, but I will reveal some of what I typed that day, at least a little bit in general terms. I informed Michael that when talking with an alcohol-fueled Ken at last year's ATS Conference he admitted that times were tough. I'm not going to betray Ken's confidence here, as despite our differences, I like the man and I think he likes me. So I'll leave it at that. Now retired and no longer a competitor of his, there is no reason I should threaten him. But I will say that the gist of what got Michael angry with me is that I stated some facts - truths from my own experience - about Ken that were negative. I only stated emotionless hard facts about the faults of Ken's business practises, and continually reminded Michael that it was not personal and I liked Ken. Unfortunately, due to both tone and sentiment being lost in the written word, and the fact that Michael wasn't using his native tongue, things were misconstrued. Michael couldn't reconcile my being somewhat friendly with a person with my criticizing that same person. I did not attack Ken as a man. I just commented on how he runs his business and his lack of experience with it and the hobby. I made it quite clear (but again, this was likely lost in translation and not interacting face to face) that my opinions were not personal, but based on my vast experience and 30+ years in the business as compared to a guy who originally worked with computers. Michael and I clashed. I am sure some of it had to do with my strong American personality. What some have called arrogance. What some have said makes me "unlikable".

My friends like me. That's all that matters. Michael and Ken work in a business that I've left behind. End of story.

So, the bold italicized German words written above state "I am sorry for what I wrote". And I am. I don't know the man. Therefore, I was out of line. I apologize.

Ich entschuldige mich, Michael Jacobi

3 comments:

Carl said...

Michael,
First of all, it takes balls to write what you have, especially in public. I am much the same as you. Straight talking, open and I wear my heart on my sleeve. Some people like me, some don't. I like some people and I don't like others. That's life. However, whilst I rarely if ever forgive or forget I am always willing to 'move on' after a fall out and you are clearly willing to do that. Having lived in Deutschland for four years I know that most are just as willing to move on (I had my fallouts there too)and I hope that this chap does too for the good of the hobby and International relations! You have extended the olive branch - you've done your bit. It was brilliant to see you at the BTS show here in England and I look forward to seeing you again. Carl Portman

mj said...

Thanks Carl. It was great to see you again. I'm sure we will meet again before long. I'll be in touch via email over the next few days. Jet lag is still kicking my ass. I should be sorted by tomorrow.

mj said...

For the record, I sent a link to this blog entry to Herr Scheller by both email and Facebook Messenger. I hope he sees it. I also hope that whoever told him about my earlier comment also sees this post.