#113 - ARACHNOHOUSEGUESTS

Today after work my buddy Chad Campbell will drive down from Minneapolis to spend the weekend in my home. Tomorrow morning John Apple, Rob Mitchell and a couple of ladies I've yet to meet will be headed our way and, after spending the afternoon out at Andy's Tat2 Crue, will join us. Hopefully, Jason Newland will join us for drinks & grub tomorrow night.

I've spent many of my years in a one bedroom apartment. I even lived in my SpiderShoppe for awhile after my separation from my eventual ex-wife. Twice when I arrived in Seattle to run Northwest Zoological Supply I lived on an air mattress in an extra office in our building before finding an apartment. I'm easy. My requirements are few and I am currently considering spending the entire year 2017 in a tent. My three-level 1600 sq ft. home is a lot of house for just me and my parrot. I'm fortunate that when arachnomates like those mentioned above stop by, or when by brother-from-another-mother Mark Pennell and his family visit from the UK, I am able to host houseguests in style.

So what do arachnohouseguests do? You guessed it. We eat, drink and talk about spiders. We trade and sell them too. Apple will have a running monologue going on obscure native araneomorphs I expect. He's a force of nature. Chad will likely force shots upon people and suggest playing "My Penis, My Vagina". I'm just guessing, but my dear friends - like me - do have their quirks. Mine is that I am a highly trained armed civilian and firearms instructor. I am launching my new tactical pistol and concealed carry business and think I might set up a little laser shooting course for people to try.

If you're local feel free to email me today or tomorrow and I'll invite you over. You'll either have to go home (preferably not drunk driving) or better still bring a sleeping bag and pillow for crashing on the floor. I think the Inn is about full up as far as beds and sofas go. Spring has come early and the winter was mild, but I think it might still be a bit chilly for me to put up a tent in the backyard. However, if you're willing, I'll erect it. (That last sentence goes for other things as well!)

It's only coincidental that all of these friends are visiting me on the same weekend as NARBC. I won't be attending and there is no ArachnoGathering #3 to be held. I have thought about the fact that this weekend would normally be very busy for me as I hosted my event and peddled spiders. But both are behind me and I'll be the chill guy on my back deck with the Cuban cigar and glass of Jameson Signature Reserve.

This weekend is also our weird little local show. Called the All Animal Expo you won't only see snakes, lizards and spiders; you'll also see pigs, roosters, rabbits, sugar gliders, degus and other madness. The owner of the show is the sharpest knife in the drawer and he continues his defiance, obstinance and ignorance by scheduling his podunk fairgrounds show the same weekend as what I consider the most professional reptile trade show. Apple & Co. tend to flee back home first thing Sunday morning, but I am in need of crickets so perhaps I'll talk Chad into checking it out with me before he heads back home. Our friends Randy Sr. and Randy Jr. of Evil's Arachnids exhibit there and I haven't seen them in some time. That reminds me ... should send Randy a text about my informal Saturday night replacement ArachnoGathering. I hope now that I've called it that nobody expects a lecture. Excuse me while I send a text ...

I don't sleep well. I'm a deep thinker and my mind never wants to rest. When I do manage to put two or three hours of consecutive shut-eye together I tend to have tortuous dreams. I absolutely hate dreaming. It is not relaxing. I wake up agitated, wound up and often with a headache. I drink loads of water and go to bed each night with a fresh liter with Propel packets added so I know I am plenty hydrated. I've tried Melatonin. I accuse it of making the dreams worse. Most of my dreams are intense; like action movies where I am constantly chasing, running and fighting or tormented dramas where I am at odds with family, friends, strangers. I actually started typing on this laptop at 3:30 a.m., which is very typical. I think I finally drifted off at midnight. This means that I nap every afternoon. The best part about naps is they seldom contain dreams; at least ones that I remember or that disturb me. The point of all this is that when I woke in the middle of the night the day before (I'll soon turn 52 and I've already mentioned how much water I drink during the day and night, so that means frequent middle of the night pisses), I started thinking about writing my memoirs. I'm now looking at 44 years of keeping spiders and snakes. I just realized that I created Exotic Fauna 34 years, 2 months ago. I actually think my story could make an interesting self-published e-book, but then another part of me says just put it out for free as part of Kiss My Big Hairy Spider. Perhaps I'll poll this weekends arachnoguests and see what they think.

I'll get back to y'all next week.