#58 - TARANTULAS CAN'T READ

As I've mentioned before, my old ARACHNOCULTURE magazine had a column called "Back Page" where I wrote an irreverent, educational, attempting-to-be-humorous, editorial of sorts on a number of topics. The following one was called "Tarantulas Can't Read". I'm going to reprint it here in its entirety and then comment further afterward. However, the important thing to know upfront is that this was written in my fourth issue of ARACHNOCULTURE almost ten years ago. This was before Faffbook ruled lives and then was mostly used by teenage girls telling you what they had for dinner or posting selfies. This was written in the era when most of the nonsensical moronic discussion of tarantulas took place on Arachnoboards instead of on Faffbook. And this is before my Tarantulas was published by a joint venture of TFH and Animal Planet.

Tarantulas can't read.

Books are wonderful things. More people should read them. As wondrous as the Internet is, it is no substitute for a book. A well-written book is informative and entertaining. A book written by a person who is very knowledgeable about a subject can even be educational. For humans, that is.

From a tarantula's viewpoint a book is rubbish. I won't even tell you what they think of this magazine.

Ever had a Poecilotheria regalis who ignored your pretty lichen-encrusted cork bark and lovely bamboo tube and instead spent the majority of its time on top of or even buried in the substrate?

Ever provided a Theraphosa blondi with a back-breaking amount of damp soil and an exquisitely formed starter burrow only to have it sit in the middle of the enclosure and show no interest in hiding?

How about that Brachypelma smithi that keeps climbing the sides of its aquarium and hanging upside down from the lid?

Are these spiders illterate or something?

The books and the Internet forums are filled with information on their proper behavior. Why don't they follow it? It's almost as if tarantulas believe that captivity and nature are two different things. How dare they?

But they can't just leave it at that, can they. They ignore the books regarding their natural behavior as well. I'm starting to believe that tarantulas don't read at all!

The only rule is that there are no rules (or is it that you don't tell anybody about Fight Club?). Captivity and nature are not... I repeat, NOT... the same.

A wise man or woman once said that if you keep doing something a certain way you will continue to have the same result. The husbandry practices that are routine today are the result of trial and error in the past. Tarantulas died for these lessons. Unfortunately, some continue to in the hands of people who won't learn.

Learning. We're back to the books, magazines, and Internet again. While tarantulas can't read, most people can. They just won't. Not as long as that glowing television has them in a trance.

For those of you who do read, as evidenced by holding this magazine and weighing these words, your tarantulas [and other exotic animals] are proud of you! You are on a quest for information and are digesting different views and recommendations, deciding which instructions have the most value and what might be dismissed. After all, just because it is in print doesn't make it truth.

An insatiable desire to learn as much as possible is one of the most admirable traits a person can have. However, let us not forget that there are many different ways to learn. A book or magazine is not the best way; it's just a very good way.

In my opinion, the best way to learn — after acquiring a good foundation of knowledge from written words and experience — is to observe your animals and open your mind to what they may be trying to tell you. Not only can tarantulas not read, they can't speak either, but if you give them your attention, they'll tell you things you can't learn anywhere else.

A tarantula constantly hovering over a water dish is saying, "Hey, it's too dry in here. I'm getting dehydrated."

The terrestrial tarantula that all of a sudden has taken to climbing the cage walls after you just cleaned or changed its enclosure is saying, "This substrate sucks. Please use something else."

Watch your spiders. See if they prefer the dry or damp or warm or cool areas of their enclosure. Determine whether there is one prey item they pounce on immediately and seemingly prefer.

And when they're sitting there doing nothing and everything seems fine, read another book or search for quality information on the Internet. I won't tell if you read it to your tarantula!

The most important line in my original "Tarantulas Can't Read" is one that I stated in a very recent blog entry: "Captivity and nature are not... I repeat, NOT... the same. I can tell you as someone who has not only kept many thousands of tarantulas over the course of almost 40 years and has observed them in nature around the world, that this statement is gospel. This fact is something that seems to take some people some time to wrap their heads around. Captivity is an unnatural situation and your best efforts to simulate natural conditions are nothing more than that, best efforts. You will never replicate a natural setting. But the advanced keeper and successful breeder will think about things like appropriate retreats, environmental cues, non-static environmental conditions and do his or her best.

This blog entry requires additional reading. I want you to go back and re-read (or ingest for the first time) my third blog installment written way back on June 5, 2015. It's not ten years old like the above, but with 55 blog entries since it may have leaked out of your cerebrum a bit. This entry was one of the most important I've written. It is titled "Information is not Knowledge". Since my ARACHNOCULTURE was published and Arachnoboards was in its best years the hobby has become increasingly cluttered with morons. Just as I've made the point that "Weekend Warriors" can be good and "Pseudo Dealers" can be very bad, "Casual, eager to learn hobbyists" can be good, but the "Pseudo Experts" are usually very bad. They spew nonsense and regurgitate half-truths and conjecture that they read another pseudo expert post. Faffbook and forums have become a cesspool of misinformation. Please, oh please, first judge the expertise of the author of anything you read before you accept anything he or she spouts. Better still, read my book or writings, read articles in the BTS Journal (Which, by the way, I edit), and look for other lesser known fountains of knowledge like Baxter's tarantula book (Now available at lovetarantulas.com as the revised Baxter's Bumper Book of Tarantulas for a few dollar download. Although written way back in 1993 and quickly reworked in 2014 it contains a wealth of information). Of course, I also recommend my Tarantulas in the Terrarium instruction film (free on my YouTube channel) and even the late Bryant Capiz' video, which is also available from Andrew Smith's lovetarantulas.com. While there you might consider Guy Tansley's concise Basic Care Guide or others at http://lovetarantulas.com/keepingtarantulas.htm.
As internet dependent as I admit I've become I still direct you to the printed works of true experts rather than the ramblings of hobbyists with too much time on their hands. Faffbook and Arachnoboards will rot your brain. Get an actual book in your hand, by an actual authority. Have a glass of wine, whiskey or coffee beside you and sit in your favorite chair. Learn the way learning was meant to be.

But then go into your spider room. Wait until after it has been dark an hour or more. Wear a headlamp that has a red bulb capability. Tread softly. Sit and watch without movement. Pay attention to your animal's behavior. Take notes. Keep an open mind. Immerse yourself in their world. It isn't their natural world because the terrarium is not the niche they evolved to occupy. But you will learn. Your arachnids will teach you things that no yahoo like me can put into words. They can't read or write or talk. But they can certainly teach.

My best to all of you, MJ