#5 - SUNDAY, FUN DAY

One week from today I will be picking up my dear friends the Pennell family at Chicago's Airport after their journey from Bristol on the southwest coast of England to Amsterdam and then a KLM direct flight into Chicago. I can't wait.

Mark always says "Sunday, Fun Day". He works hard operating his Serious Ink Tattoo Studio Tuesday to Saturday and then Sunday is meant for relaxation and a few cold Tiger beers.

For my blog I thought I'd lighten up on my usual blogs on Sundays and have a little more fun, covering other topics and avoiding my rants. One idea I had was to answer questions from my readers. This alone can keep some venom and controversy in the content. I will answer honestly, frankly and bluntly with no-holds-barred, complete gloves off bare knuckle responses. Vale tudo style (anything goes) for those who know fighting. I won't shy away from anything. There is one rule though: If I answer your question and stir up some shit, you must be willing to have your name published as the question's author. Email me at spidershoppe@icloud.com and next Sunday (assuming anyone bothers to submit) I'll answer some questions.

As an incentive for you to submit questions, I am offering a prize for my favorite question (may be the most controversial, may be the most intelligent, may be the most ridiculous - it's subjective). In the last blog I mentioned the incredible downloads available at Andrew Smith's lovetarantulas.com. Yesterday I bought two items from his site. I didn't need them. The first is my one hour documentary of our 2006 Costa Rica field trip. I made the film so I didn't need to buy it! However, in fairness, I wanted to show the same support for the site that I asked of you so I spent the $10 (that's right only $10 to download two fine products for the tarantula enthusiast!). I have the 720p HD version of my "In Search of Costa Rican Tarantulas" in three different file formats. The second item is "Baxter's Bumper Book of Tarantulas". I also didn't need another copy of this. I have early drafts and the final product as I was part of the editorial team. But this is a pioneering work on tarantula keeping and breeding by England's pioneer and a must for every true tarantula enthusiasts library. So, ask my favorite question, and I'll provide you with free copies of both!

As far as Sunday miscellany: 
1. I'm a huge hockey and diehard Chicago Blackhawks fan. Sadly, they lost 4-3 last night and the Stanley Cup Final is now tied at one game each. But a split of two road games is a good thing in hockey and I look forward to the return to the Madhouse on Madison for Game 3.
2. I have loads of spider feeding to do today. Keeping up with my collection is a 7 day a week job. It's a rainy, sleepy Sunday morning and I'm going to head out for some breakfast and then get a Netflix movie or three going while I work on the spiders.
3. My buddy Jason has been in Peru for over six months. He'll return while the Pennell's are here and I know he can't wait to be reunited with the spiders he left in my care. He did sell off much of his collection before he left, but has made some purchase while out of country and has a nice assortment here that I've been growing for him.

Send me your questions for next Sunday. I will reply with brutal honesty and characteristic truth. MJ

#4 - READING & WRITING

Saturday morning. Another fresh pot of coffee and my MacBook Pro. A blank page.

Blogging is therapeutic. I require therapy. A writer should write every day. Sadly, more often than not, I have been consumed by email and PM correspondence, social media posts and feeding thousands of spiders. My reading is behind schedule. My writing is off course.

I mentioned Elowsky in my last blog and he took to Faffbook to query: "What happens in the hobby is ludicrous, outside of education and experience. So when are you going to bridge the chasms and write that opus?"

I am indeed working on a monograph of sorts, although I think Christian's "opus" is too kind. I've hinted at this elsewhere. It is a work in progress. I believe there is a need for a "The Complete Tarantula" or a Tarantula Keeper's Guide that actually lives up to that title. I can write it. I have the qualifications and the skill. But how many would read it?

I have no idea how many copies of my Tarantulas, published by the Animal Planet Pet Care Library in conjunction with pet book giant T.F.H, have sold. The manuscript was a contract piece. In other words, they paid me a flat fee for writing 27,000 words, which I was able to nudge up to 30,000. I receive no royalties. But I expect it does reasonably well as it is meant for the Petco and Petsmart market. They (T.F.H.) also paid me more money for a 50,000 word monograph on Geckos. I cashed the check several years ago. The book has never been published. The economy has affected the release of new books. Or is it just that books aren't selling?

The only copies of my book I sell are autographed by me. I buy them from the publisher at half the cover price with free shipping and then basically offer them at a bit over cost through my website. Sales are anything but brisk. Apparently 30,000 words on tarantula keeping by someone with 35 years of experience, and dare I say a flare for concise writing, isn't worth 10 or 15 bucks. I've seen knuckleheads on Faffbook say that they can just use Google. Yeah, to get misinformation and snippets of information, not knowledge. But I belabored that in the last blog so I'll move on.

There is nothing more important in my life than reading. I dropped out of undergraduate biology in 1982! I am completely self-taught. I didn't gain my knowledge from reading assclowns on social media. I read books by experts. I consumed them. I breathed them. I digested them. That goes for all my interests, not just arachnoculture/arachnology and herpetoculture/herpetology. I taught myself through reading, practice and experience. Trial and error. Success and failure. I spent most of my childhood and adult life reading nothing but non-fiction. Most of it focused on nature, wildlife, evolution, ecology, astronomy, etc. It wasn't until I was about 40 that I finally began to enjoy fiction as well. Today I mix in a thriller or a Palahniuk novel every now and again to cleanse the palate before I delve into another tome by Sam Harris or Richard Dawkins or re-read my favorite Sagan. And then there are my treasured spider and reptile books and scientific papers.

Is reading really being replaced by search engines and sites to post what you had for breakfast? And what about writing? Look at the state of that! People today seem allergic to proper grammar. Half the English speaking world doesn't know that the contraction of "you" and "are" is "YOU'RE", not "your". People are so busy that they can't even trouble themselves with the three letters in "you" and just write "u". We used to write letters. It was a great art. Then there was email, which I liked even better since I prefer to type and it was instantaneous with no stamp glue tasted. But now people don't even use that. They just hack out some nonsensical gibberish on Faffbook. They even think this form of communication is appropriate for business. My two great friends and tattoo artists who decorate my body, Mark and Andy, have telephones in their shops. They have websites and email addresses. But every day I see someone post on one of their Faffbook pages "hey dude, how much for a skull that looks like this?". Pick up the goddamn phone and call a business. Or at least write them an intelligent and respectful email. For my own business I constantly post to only contact me via email (I don't give out my phone). I tell people I do not conduct business through Facebook Messenger or the like. I want an intelligent email that is archived with my other correspondence. When I write a reply I wish for it to go through my email system and have my signature file attached. I don't want to wade through the sewage of Faffbook.

The English language is beautiful. Writing its words and reading the wisdom in the words of others is rewarding. Go to Amazon.com today and buy a new book. A Kindle edition counts. You like mass-market thrillers? I recommend Karin Slaughter. You like historical thrillers? My favorite! I recommend good old Thomas Gifford like the Assassini or Caleb Carr's The Alienist. It took me a long time to appreciate fiction but, like a great film, they are great escapes. But if you want to learn more about arachnids look for Foelix's Biology of Spiders or something. Or here's an even better deal: Go over to my dear mate Andrew Smith's lovetarantulas.com site and purchase an inexpensive download of Baerg's classic The Tarantula or any of the many other two or three dollar downloads Andrew offers! Andrew should be selling downloads of this book by the hundreds but, as I've whinged on about for so many words thus far, reading seems to be dying. This is the American classic on arachnology. It had no pretty pictures. It was published before I was born. It is just glorious black and white text with the odd photo. But for a couple quid or a few dollars, reading it will make you a better person. Trust me. Lovetarantulas also offers a reworking of a classic British arachnocultural book by Ronald Baxter. He was a pioneer in tarantula keeping and breeding. Spend a few bucks, feed your brain.

Read and Write. MJ

#3 - INFORMATION IS NOT KNOWLEDGE

INTRO
I learn something arachnid and/or reptile related every day and I've been at this for a very long time. I got my first pet snake 42 years ago. I was catching and keeping jumping spiders, etc. even before that and had my first tarantula in the 70s. Knowledge is an ongoing process and it relates to hard-earned experience. It comes from trial and error. It comes from listening to those with greater experience. It comes from asking questions of those you respect. It comes from digesting anything you can read. It comes from asking questions. It comes from observation. It is a gradual process and it takes time. It takes years, decades.

INFORMATION IS NOT KNOWLEDGE
Knowledge does not come from information. It comes from questioning information. It comes from skeptical inquiry. It comes from seeking better answers.

We all know the telephone game. At least that's what American's call it. Elsewhere it is known as Chinese whispers or pass the message or whisper down the lane. Regardless of name it is all about cumulative error. The first person whispers a message to another, which is than passed down a line of people until the final person announces the end result message to the group. Errors typically accumulate in the retelling, so the statement announced by the last player differs significantly.

This happens every day on Faffbook and internet forums like Arachnoboards. Someone with a little bit of information (not knowledge!) - as they say a little "knowledge" is dangerous - posts something authoritatively that he may have read only recently and perhaps introduces a bit of error. It is then regurgitated by someone else in another post, typically with the same authoritative tone, and the even less experienced take it as gospel. As these inexperienced and unknowledgeable continue their willingness to answer questions they don't have the expertise to address, the "Chinese whispers" comes into full play and misinformation is spread. Information is not knowledge, but misinformation is dangerous.

The Internet has given birth to a generation of non-readers, except for social media posts that require only short attention spans. Why pay $10 for a book written by someone with my knowledge and experience when you can read the opinion of some newbie for free? OK, save yourself the 10 bucks. Why not read only posts by people who are known "experts"? Because they're usually too busy or, like me, sick of it all. The truly knowledgeable (with notable exceptions) tend to shun the cesspool of internet/social media discourse. But wouldn't you want to pay attention to something posted by a recognized experienced keeper/breeder and not someone you've never heard of before? The problem is that those who post the most are typically those with more time than sense and are mid-level hobbyists. Look at Arachnoboards post counts; there are people who have been on for two years or less with 2000+ posts. Those are the people to avoid.

The other misinformation danger out there is the many "weekend warrior" "pseudo dealers" who often know less about correct tarantula husbandry and propagation than the majority of their customers. There are people who just got in the hobby that all of a sudden are resellers and I shudder to think about the husbandry support they can offer their customers. These guys have day jobs and aren't true animal people. Do you want to buy from them or guys like me or Kelly Swift or others that have been doing this for decades? It's not about the price or selection; it's about cultivating a relationship with someone who can provide expertise. True knowledge. Not snippets of information.

My advice is to read my book ;). As arrogant as it may sound, it is the ONLY American book I recommend. However, it is aimed at the neophyte hobbyist that walks into Petco and offers less to the experienced keeper. I'm working on an advanced book. Don't read "the bible". It has little to offer the modern tarantulaculturist and contains falsehoods and rambling editorials by someone with little experience with modern breeding and the variety of species in today's hobby. Marshall is outdated and lacking in husbandry info.  There are better books in Europe, but most are in foreign languages.

Better still, find an apprenticeship of sorts. I alluded to this when I mentioned cultivating relationships with experienced dealers that have been around 10, 20, 30 or 35 years. Not salesmen or computer programmers or auto mechanics. True animal people that spend every single day immersed in arachnoculture. Ask them questions. Those are real answers. And those are pieces of information that can actually become knowledge.

In closing, I dedicate this blog to Christian Elowsky who may have used the phrase "information is not knowledge" in his Arachnogathering lecture and Kelly Swift who has been doing this as long as me. When I was mostly breeding pythons and my tarantula projects were just a diversion, Kelly was working for the legendary Louis Porras at Zooherp in Sandy, Utah. Kelly and I were both doing mostly reptiles, but eventually we both focused more on our true passion - tarantulas. This goes back many years and illustrates that true animal people, who have made it their sole work for some 35 years deserve more of your support than the short term "weekend warriors" who come and go each year. I'm sure I'll have a full on "pseudo dealer" rant in an upcoming blog. Stay tuned.

All the best, Michael

#2 - HERE WE GO AGAIN

Intro

Before I offend, expose, vent and start calling out fucktards and douchenozzles, I suppose I should start a bit slower and milder and mix up a few topics and end with one bitching.

Breeding

Day has started great with my American first Avicularia sp. Colombia molting to 2nd instar during the night. Unfortunately about one third of the 1st instars didn't make it. I noticed mites when I opened the sac and was fighting them for the duration of incubation.

More Breeding

I keep finding more sacs and breeding production is in full swing. I noticed that a female Avicularia minatrix was wandering without her sac this morning and found it left on other side of enclosure. I opened and maybe the eggs are good, maybe they're not. I also decided to move a Cyriopagopus schioedtei female from her temporary cereal container housing where she was paired and rudely pulled up her cork slab to put it in her new swank 10 gallon-on-end quarters. Then I saw the egg sac. Doh! Even the highly experiences do stupid things. Lesson learned: flashlight examination first.

The Bitching

Name spared because the poster is just one of the many sheeple who do the same, but this is a post on the BTS Faffbook page today: "Anyone have a quick rundown on how a set up for a purple bloom bird eater should be? Its about 3 inches big at the moment, size of tank etc thanks"

First, if you don't understand why I call the shitgutter that is Facebook "Faffbook" here's your explanation: "faffing" is Brit slang for fucking around, wasting time. Second, no matter what you choose to call it it is the land of the lazy. My response to this post was this: "1. Start with scientific name 2. Google is your friend. 3. Self-research is rewarding." How many posts a day do you see where instead of someone researching a question with the incredibly vast library called the intrawebs, they just post a query and wait for someone to do the work for them? For fuck's sake, READ! Now I know that the info she might have found if she bothered herself to do a Google/Bing/Yahoo search might have been misleading, inaccurate or just plain asinine. That is the minefield that is the Internet. The only thing you can trust in cyberspace is porn. And that will lead me to my next blog - "Information is not knowledge". Until next time, MJ

#1 - RESURRECTION

I can't believe how long ago my last blog post was. As a writer, you'd think I would have stuck with it. But "Kiss My Big Hairy Spider" was created during a very odd period in my life. I was in limbo, temporarily living in Milwaukee between my stints in Seattle, and I decided to spew some stuff out. The name alluded not only to my passion - arachnids, specifically theraphosid, or tarantula, spiders - but also basically translated as "fuck you"; these are my opinions, this is my rant.

I am now speeding into my 51st birthday and, believe me, I have more to rant about. Always opinionated and always irreverent, I have plenty more to spew. Social media has pretty much shit upon anything that was pure, and I confess I've been dragged into its cesspool. I avoid getting involved in discussions with anyone I don't personally know and respect, but few have similar restraint. I post my pretty pix. I advertise my pretty spiders. But I shun the ugly masses and ignore the inane.

I have been professionally peddling arachnids, herps and other exotics since 1982. Outside of my own businesses (e.g., Jacobi Herpetoculture, The Living Terrarium, SpiderShoppe, Exotic Fauna Enterprises), I have held pet industry positions from reptile manager to buyer to delivery driver to salesman specializing in wholesale premium dog and other pet foods to general manager of a multi-million dollar pet wholesaler servicing Petco and independents in the five states of the Pacific Northwest, which also operates - and still does - the largest veiled chameleon breeding program in the world. I know some shit. Most of the time, I know my shit. So, if you're interested in learning the truth about tarantulas and other arachnids instead of what some newbie quoter of half-truths and regurgitated nonsense posts, read my blog. If you're interested in reading my rants on the things about the hobby that piss me off, read my blog. If you want to hear about my travels and experiences, subscribe here.

The KISS MY BIG HAIRY SPIDER blog has been resurrected. Again I spew. Perhaps you read.

This is a RESURRECTION

The Holidays

Happy Holidays to All and Best Wishes for the New Year!

I am not a Christian so Christmas as a religious event means nothing to me, and I admittedly have issues with the commercialization of the holiday. But, at least for Americans, it is the single most important time for family and friends and I certainly can celebrate it for that.

This year I decided that, even though I was now living closer to my family than I have for years, I would forego the Xmas eve and day family gatherings and instead spend time with three special friends here in Milwaukee.

But I did spend some time a few days before Xmas with family. My youngest sister Erika was in Chicagoland from Seattle and I visited her at my sister Lisa's house and spent some time sipping tea in a coffee shop and chatting with her before she and I were joined by Lisa, my brother-in-law Randy and my mom for a movie - Slumdog Millionaire. The movie was followed by dinner brought by my stepfather Joel and some games.

Christmas Eve was a relaxing day that culminated in a surreal evening at a secret location in Milwaukee. Bill and I have a friend here who is an exotic animal breeding colleague, and he invited us to a gathering that included a professional Santa Claus and photo opportunities including an assortment of exotic mammals, reptiles and arachnids, not to mention four Tibetan Mastiff dogs (also known as Do-Khyi). So Courtney, Bill and I spent the evening with Santa after all.

On Christmas Day, Bill and I - along with Hound Dog Taylor - loaded my Jeep with wine, beer and a huge array of grilled vegetables, hummus, pesto and other delicious fare and drove to Waukesha to meet Courtney's family. We had a very warm and relaxing afternoon playing Wii video games and watching canine interaction between Tay and the Bell family's gorgeous Weimeraner, Sophie. Anne briefly dropped by with her dog Oliver and we had three dogs for amusement.

Last night Courtney and Bill and Anne and I went out for an evening of bar-hopping, bowling and a little pool. It was an awesome, amazing, awesome night that lasted until the wee hours of this morning. I smile recalling each and every moment. And now I must sleep.

My best to all, M

The Cold

First post December. Alright, so this is a very irregular endeavor. Sorry.

I don't want to resort to weather reporting, but my frigid location had me scraping the inside of my windshield to go get groceries this evening and, as you can see from the accompanying photo, my poor little short dog's strolls through the park now resemble moon walks. She is no fan of the icy sting of winter air or the salt in the footpads. Neither am I, especially the paw thing.

In an attempt to actually go on-topic with "kiss my big hairy spider" talk, TARANTULAS.com has again bred the most coveted tarantula in the hobby, Poecilotheria metallica - the Gooty Sapphire Ornamental. Fortunately for me, the sales of these pricey creepies is brisk and I am enjoying increased sales work at the same time that things have slowed at the museum. Ah, that's enough spider talk. Too many years, too little interest now.

Friday night was our work holiday party at the museum and I had a blast. I actually worked a bit - or should I say volunteered as there will be no forthcoming compensation for my efforts. My bartending that night started my favorite way, just serving glasses of wine to my three favorite friends, and then - due to a prank from our chef de cuisine, Nick - evolved into my actually getting behind my usual bar to assist the two "rent-a-bartenders" who were serving that night. Regardless, I enjoy doing it and the evening was awesome, especially taking photos with everyone [will maybe post in next blog?]. Afterward, Bill, Courtney and I went to the Olive Pit for a vegan pizza [de-lish!] and I retired earlier than usual.

Other than that, not much to report: there have been many, many, many wonderful evenings with friends, none more special than our inaugural "Movie Night", not to mention my third tour of Lakefront Brewery, but I think I'll keep those memories to myself without further detail. This really wasn't supposed to be a diary.

In closing, the "holidays" are upon us but I don't celebrate, observe or partake in xmas and am at odds with New Year's. So, it is a weird and very disconcerting time for me, especially after returning to the Midwest and being nearby family again. I did make it down to my sister's rather large dead turkey day party where I ate nothing but carrots, beans, and Brussels sprouts and drank many glasses of Malbec. But, methinks that's my family commitment for the season. Well, that's not completely true. My other sister, Erika, will be visiting from Seattle and I look forward to spending time with her; hopefully the logistics will be painless. As of this writing, I hope to spend both the 24th and 25th with three special friends... we'll see.

If a man walks in the woods for love of them half of each day, he is in danger of being regarded as a loafer. But if he spends his days as a speculator, shearing off those woods and making the earth bald before her time, he is deemed an industrious and enterprising citizen. - Henry David Thoreau