#9 - DON'T SHIP BY USPS (or give a penny to those who do!)

Before I get to today's title rant I need to make a brief warm-up rant.

Don't add me to fucking Faffbook groups or I'll fantasize about stabbing you in the throat. By now any readers of this blog know I have disdain for FB. I still use it, but on my own terms, which means marketing my business through adverts and a regular series of pretty pix. I am in less than 10 groups and two are secret. I will not join others. A guy who added me to a new group yesterday (as if more bloody tarantula chat groups are needed!) was unfriended and I left group checking that handy box that prevents you from being added again. Today's offender wasn't unfriended only because he is a recent customer (yeah I'm a whore), but the "Tarantula Chat" group has also been banished from my life. Please don't make me have desires of grisly violence. Thank you.

As a between rant intermission: Aren't dreams completely baffling and disturbing? Mine are. I used to never remember dreams because I slept so poorly and didn't get much REM sleep. But now I use Melatonin and Flonase before I go to sleep and am sleeping more soundly. I have intense crazy, creepy dreams that make me wake up riled and freaked out. This morning's extra two hours in bed left me with the turmoil of a dream about an old friend who in reality I stole a girl from, only he now had stole her from me and violence ensued. Hmmm ... Violent fantasies are beginning to be a theme... Best push on to the next rant.

I buy everything except groceries and fuel online. Clothes, ammunition, guitar strings, pet supplies. I pay the shipping costs, except when I spend enough to reach free shipping status. It's how things are done. It's no different in arachnoculture or herpetoculture. I charge $45. You spend $600 plus and shipping is free. I ship SOLELY by FedEx Priority Overnight and I use Superior Shipping Supplies online airbill processor to save money with their substantial discount and also to be under their blanket of "approved reptile shipper to a residence", which is noted on the statement I affix to the box (see pic).

People who buy reptiles understand they're going to be paying $45-75 for shipping. It's a given in herpetoculture. But spider people are cheap and my experience is that many hobbyists are living paycheck to paycheck and spending money on spiders when they really shouldn't be. They look for people who ship cheap and that, sadly and illegally, often means fucktards that ship illegally through the US Postal Service and, worse still, are willing to compromise animal safety by offering two or three day shipping.

Let me back up a sec and state that I am not offering legal advice or information and that I have not read the entire shipping policies of the three major parcel shippers in America. That is, United States Postal Service, FedEx and U.P.S. Let me also state from the beginning that although FedEx is the only choice for shipping arachnids properly they do not - technically - permit shipping of "venomous" arachnids. If you are daft enough to call FedEx and ask if they'll ship a tarantula you will be told "no". But why would you be that daft? I get emails all the time from people who for the first time are encountered with the prospect of shipping a tarantula and ask "I see you that you ship via FedEx, but when I called their 800 number I was told definitely that they will not ship arachnids". My response: Why the fuzzy flock did you ask? But FedEx is our only choice and I will continue ...

First, and most important, point: FedEx and UPS are publicly traded companies. They can give you a wrist slap, perhaps even a ban. The United States Postal Service is a federal agency. They can charge you with a crime. Simple distinction even for the ignorant I should think.

Second, and also important, FedEx has shown a desire to acquire the business of animal shippers. They also provide the best service. FedEx has a program in place where shippers can become verified (i.e., approved) to ship reptiles. An inspector comes to your facility and sees your operation and how you pack. You show the security and safety of your live shipments. You - hopefully - become an approved shipper. This is what the professional breeders and dealers do. And, in conjunction with this process, they usually are negotiating a discounted rate for their volume with a FedEx representative. But for the hobbyists or small dealers that ship fewer packages there is another way. Ship Your Reptiles is the best known of the shipping services where you can process your airbill online and take advantage of their volume discount. Of course, they mark it up to make their profit, but you can't get their rates at the FedEx counter. Personally, I use the same service offered by Superior Shipping Supplies. The rates are better and I've been a customer of theirs for years. Sometimes I email Brisa at Superior directly and she does all the airway bills for me and I don't use the site. But the site is easy to use and you get the "reference note" that I displayed above to attach to your box to keep busybody FedEx employees from worrying about your contents.

Let me take a brief break from FedEx to mention U.P.S. Their service sucks, they're more expensive and they don't have the "approved reptile shipper" program of FedEx. They are not a choice, IMO.

Back to FedEx. Some tips: 1) use Superior or Ship Your Reptiles 2) no, you aren't shipping reptiles ... just pretend like you are. No ask, no tell 3) on the Superior form package contents is NOT a required field. Leave it blank. 4) FedEx Office locations are notorious for not accepting ANY live animal packages, even "approved reptile shippers". Avoid FedEx Office and other "authorized shipping centers". Use "hubs", formally known as FedEx Ship Centers where uniformed FedEx employees work. I spare my packages the ride in a truck and drive 30 minutes to my nearest FedEx Ship Center to drop off my boxes. 5) unless the weather is mild try to ship "hold for pickup" to the recipient's closest FedEx Ship Center. I do this as much as possible and since I drive the package to my "hub" and ship to the customer's "hub" it cuts out the bumpy ride in the hot truck on both ends. It's also cheaper to ship to a business than a residence so shipping to the "hub" saves money. If your customer will let you ship to their work try to do so to save a few bucks.

One other comment on FedEx. I only have the word of my mate John Apple on this, but he has had FedEx inspectors check out his boxes of spiders and John claims that the future will see them adding spiders to their approved items. I wouldn't hold my breath for the inclusion of buthid scorpions though.

Back to USPS: DO NOT SUPPORT those who ship illegally. Many of these boneheads post that they ship USPS on the 'net and I dream of the day when a bored postal inspector spends his day on Facebook and the AB classifieds and busts every one of these people. What angers me even more is that most will ship Priority clearly showing disregard for animal safety. Yes, I know arachnids are resilient. When temperatures are mild throughout the package's path most will be fine for 2 or 3 days if packed properly. But to consciously make the decision that you want a sale so badly that you are willing to get it due to cheap shipping no matter what increased risk there may be makes you a fucking scumbag.

And that brings me back to FedEx. I ship 95% Priority Overnight. I don't offer anything else publicly. I lose sales because of this. I don't give a shit. All that matters to me is animal safety. Take your business elsewhere you cheap sonofabitch. The other 5% is Standard Overnight when temps are definitely mild on both ends and in between and it just arrives a few hours later. But most of the time when I use this it is for "hold for pickup" shipments as it saves $3 or $4 and it still gets there at same time and is held in the climate-controlled office.

Finally, I realize a few people I am friendly with use FedEx two day service. Sorry, I have the same contempt for this. However you wish to justify it you are still trying to increase sales by making shipping more affordable and in the process increasing risk. Your customer pays shipping. If they can't afford priority overnight than maybe they shouldn't be spending ANY money on spiders. Do you really need their business? When you box up the critters do you think they would be at least slightly safer if I shipped them Priority Overnight, but I want to make this sale and be a more popular choice for people. You are compromising those critters even if only marginally. Perhaps you should get a part-time job and quit selling livestock. I've done this for over 30 years and I've never chosen sale over animal safety. That doesn't make me special. That makes me doing it right.

Don't ship by means other than FedEx Priority Overnight. Don't buy from anyone who ships via the U.S. Postal Service. Pack well in good styros and spend the money to use heat packs (40 hour only!) or cool packs as necessary. Animal safety is more important than sales. If you disagree do not ship live animals. They have no choices. You and your customers do.

The opinions contained herein are solely those of myself and everyone else can get bit. With smiles and hugs, MJ